What Happens to Libido During Menopause? Why This Matters for Relationships — Not Just Women

When people talk about menopause, they often think about hot flashes, hormone changes, or mood swings. But one of the most personal — and least talked about — changes that can happen during menopause is what it does to libido. And here's something important to understand: the impact of menopause doesn’t end with the person going through it. It affects their partner and the relationship as a whole.

Menopause can bring a dramatic shift in hormone levels — especially estrogen and testosterone, which play a key role in regulating sexual desire, arousal, and comfort. For many women, this hormonal rollercoaster can result in lower libido, vaginal dryness, sleep disruption, irritability, and other physical and emotional symptoms. These changes can make sex feel uncomfortable, less desirable, or emotionally disconnected.

But here's the truth: this isn’t just a “women’s issue.” It’s a relationship issue.

Menopause Affects Both People in the Relationship

Sex is more than a physical act — it’s emotional, relational, and deeply connected to identity. When desire changes, both partners feel it. Unfortunately, many couples struggle to talk about it. A woman may feel like something is "wrong" with her, or that she's letting her partner down. The partner may feel confused, rejected, or unsure how to help. The silence creates distance — and that’s where the real damage begins.

That’s why education and shared understanding are key. When both partners know what’s happening physically and emotionally, there’s less blame, more compassion, and a lot more teamwork.

Communication Is Where Intimacy Begins

Let’s get real: sex might look different during and after menopause — and that’s okay.

The real question is: can you talk about it together? Can you be honest about your needs, your fears, and your feelings without shame?

When couples keep communication open, they stay connected, even as their physical experiences shift. For example, if vaginal dryness is an issue, discussing the use of a natural lubricant or trying new types of touch can turn a potentially awkward moment into one of shared discovery and support.

The ability to say, “This is what I’m going through,” and hear, “I’m here with you,” can be incredibly powerful — and sexy in its own way.

Support Is Sexy

We often think of desire as spontaneous and chemical — but for many women during menopause, desire becomes more responsive than automatic. That means intimacy might be more about emotional closeness, comfort, safety, and feeling cared for than about raw physical attraction.

This is where partners can truly shine. Being patient, affectionate, and open to exploring new forms of connection shows love and respect. It tells your partner, “I see you, and I’m still here — even in the tough parts.”

That kind of support builds trust, which builds intimacy. And when intimacy is strong, sexual connection often follows in new and meaningful ways.

Practical Ways to Navigate Menopause as a Team

• Learn together. Don’t expect your partner to carry all the research. Read, watch, and ask questions as a team.
• Talk often, not just once. This is an ongoing process. Your needs and experiences will evolve — so should your conversations.
• Make time for intimacy in all forms. Touch, talk, laugh, rest — it’s all part of feeling close.
• Explore natural remedies. Lubricants, herbal supplements, pelvic floor exercises, and hormone-free options can help — but they’re more effective when the partner is involved and supportive.
• Get professional help if needed. Sex therapists, menopause specialists, or relationship coaches can offer tools and clarity.

Menopause Can Deepen Relationships

Here’s something many couples don’t expect: menopause can actually bring you closer.

Yes, it requires vulnerability. Yes, it takes patience. But facing change together — and showing up for one another in new ways — often leads to a deeper kind of love. A more mature, resilient, and emotionally rich connection.It’s not about going back to what was.

It’s about discovering what’s possible now — and embracing it fully.

Other resources

National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH)

Red Hot Mamas